bakeshop

sans gluten

[apple, oat, buckwheat muffins 
adapted from love and lemons] 

leading with my heart

In yoga the other day, the teacher told me to lead with my heart. I posture my body in a way that puts unnecessary stress on my shoulders – not a good thing. But, that’s no surprise to me. I don’t stand as tall as I should. I carry most of my stress up in my shoulders. Countless times over the years I’ve been reminded – shoulders back.  

The words of my yoga teacher, though – they penetrated much deeper. Yes, my physical body is not leading with my heart. But, the more compelling truth – that physical reality is mirrored by my emotional tendency. At times, I choose not to lead with my heart. Why? The vulnerability is freaking terrifying. I cut myself off instead of connecting. I bar myself from love because it might be imperfect; I very well could get hurt.

See, the fear in my head forgets to tell me a crucial bit about leading with your heart – there’s an upside. When you follow the way of love, you see beauty and opportunity. At every corner, there’s possibility.  Yes, the vulnerability of it all may get you burned along the way, but instead of feeling hidden, you’re alive like never before.

cease the hustle

When did we ever begin to accept that corrupt notion that hustling to please is praiseworthy? You know what I’m talking about – that asinine belief that the most noteworthy folks are the ones that work late and bear endless stories of being martyrs for their jobs.

I bought into that lie. Each time I stopped myself from working later or pushing longer, I let the menacing thoughts creep in – You must lack real determination. If you knew how to persevere, you’d see things through. Stop copping out. Quit idealizing.

I never really openly referenced those thoughts. I’m not sure I even realized they existed, but the fact that they subconsciously sunk in is undeniable given the shame that took control.

A couple days ago, something new took hold though – a glimpse at the other side of the picture. A realization dawned – I don’t say no to the hustle due to a lack of perseverance. In actuality, it’s a decision to stand by the values I hold dear. It takes a heck of a lot of determination to quiet the achievement-obsessed, fear-driven thoughts running rampant in my mind. True discipline is required to defy those powerful threats to my personal value for balanced living and healthy well-being.

See, the truth is far different from the one our world likes to feed us. It takes far greater strength to uphold your core values than it does to give in and hustle to please the masses. When you recognize your inherent worth and the matchless significance of your driving values though, you’re freed from the need to exist in constant overdrive.

ambition

It's a term that's historically evoked distaste within me.

I haven't ever thought to question why, let alone consider reframing my reaction. That is, until Steven Pressfield dropped a batch of insightful reflections on me via his worthy read Turning Pro.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the idea that I had ambition. I felt guilty about it. Who was I to aspire to "rise above" my brothers and sisters or aim to be "better" than anybody else?

Yes, I know that guilt. 

To feel ambition and to act upon it is to embrace the unique calling of our souls. Not to act upon that ambition is to turn our backs on ourselves and on the reason for our existence.

Crap. I really have turned my back on myself.


The good news? Thanks to Mr. Pressfield, a new sense of perspective is rising within me. I'm saying goodbye to my discomfort with ambition; it's a major factor holding me back from where I ought to be.

25

Growing older...

Yes, I made a birthday collage in my own honor. 

Here's to more creating-for-the-heck-of-it this year.

being me

Historically, I've spent a lot of time questioning the things that are authentically me. By measuring myself against others, I've made assumptions that something's wrong with... me.

Take my introversion, for instance. I used to feel guilty on those days when I found myself thinking – Honestly, I just want to read a book by the fire and sip some tea. No, I really don’t want to engage in a bunch of surfacy conversation at a party.

Or, consider my design work. I’d pour over super clean designs, trying to mimic them carefully, wondering – Why is this so difficult? Perhaps, this whole design thing really isn’t for me.

Lately, there’s been a shift, it seems. As I’ve learned more about my personality and my talents, I’ve given myself greater permission to let my internal compass guide me. I’ve found that I don’t need to spend all my energy apologizing for lack of what simply isn’t me. The things that are most natural – the introversion, the rustic designs, the intuitive way of perceiving the world around me – each of these has value. Each is a vital piece of what makes me – uniquely me. And, I've found – it's enthralling to lovingly give myself permission to simply be me.

2013

2013 will be a year of COURAGE...

   trusting in God's presence

   stepping beyond comfort

   acting in areas of uncertainty

   defying fear of failure and imperfection

   exercising increased self-compassion

   dreaming of a life and world far beyond me