ambition

It's a term that's historically evoked distaste within me.

I haven't ever thought to question why, let alone consider reframing my reaction. That is, until Steven Pressfield dropped a batch of insightful reflections on me via his worthy read Turning Pro.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the idea that I had ambition. I felt guilty about it. Who was I to aspire to "rise above" my brothers and sisters or aim to be "better" than anybody else?

Yes, I know that guilt. 

To feel ambition and to act upon it is to embrace the unique calling of our souls. Not to act upon that ambition is to turn our backs on ourselves and on the reason for our existence.

Crap. I really have turned my back on myself.


The good news? Thanks to Mr. Pressfield, a new sense of perspective is rising within me. I'm saying goodbye to my discomfort with ambition; it's a major factor holding me back from where I ought to be.

25

Growing older...

Yes, I made a birthday collage in my own honor. 

Here's to more creating-for-the-heck-of-it this year.

being me

Historically, I've spent a lot of time questioning the things that are authentically me. By measuring myself against others, I've made assumptions that something's wrong with... me.

Take my introversion, for instance. I used to feel guilty on those days when I found myself thinking – Honestly, I just want to read a book by the fire and sip some tea. No, I really don’t want to engage in a bunch of surfacy conversation at a party.

Or, consider my design work. I’d pour over super clean designs, trying to mimic them carefully, wondering – Why is this so difficult? Perhaps, this whole design thing really isn’t for me.

Lately, there’s been a shift, it seems. As I’ve learned more about my personality and my talents, I’ve given myself greater permission to let my internal compass guide me. I’ve found that I don’t need to spend all my energy apologizing for lack of what simply isn’t me. The things that are most natural – the introversion, the rustic designs, the intuitive way of perceiving the world around me – each of these has value. Each is a vital piece of what makes me – uniquely me. And, I've found – it's enthralling to lovingly give myself permission to simply be me.

2013

2013 will be a year of COURAGE...

   trusting in God's presence

   stepping beyond comfort

   acting in areas of uncertainty

   defying fear of failure and imperfection

   exercising increased self-compassion

   dreaming of a life and world far beyond me