perspective

Flipping the pages of my journal from recent months, I came across a little list I'd crafted – bits of advice, wisdom and perspective from my projected older self.

I highly recommend taking a few minutes to imagine what your older self might wish to say to your current self. It delivers a healthy dose of perspective.

Here’s what I jotted down:

• Enjoy this present moment.
• Spend as much time as you can with your family.
• Take time off.
• Take advantage of your youth and health.
• Go to the event, new destination or place of interest.
• Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks.
• Be vulnerable, and let down the walls.
• Don’t belabor every little decision.
• Color outside the lines.
• Don’t save endlessly for someday – it is now.
• Observe the “Sabbath,” and embrace rest regularly.
• Don’t worry; God always provides.
• Do what you love with the people you love.
• Be flexible, and open yourself up to adventure.
• Speak with positivity, and encourage others.

dependence

Dependence is not a word that gets much love these days. It’s cousin independence? That’s who gets the press.

Our culture loudly esteems independence as a noble quality. To be strong and valuable is to be able to stand on our own without help from anyone else. But, within that mindset, we overlook independence’s downfall – estrangement from connection.

“One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on going it alone. Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone.” 

- Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

The truth is – I’ve fallen prey to that trap. I’ve seen myself adopt the mentality that I need to prove to myself and to others that I can do this thing called life on my own.

Yet, I’ve quickly found that’s total B.S. I do need others. I can’t do this alone. My darkest days are those where I try to do everything myself and keep life within the narrow bounds of my own control.

The best days? They’re marked by dependence and being vulnerable enough to trust others and journey closely with them.

So, I believe it’s high time we knock independence off its cultural throne and start praising the sort of dependence that cultivates connection.

[photo: maui]

thoughts

Our thoughts are sort of a big deal. The stories we hold in our minds shape our reality.

For instance, I can be controlled by thoughts like: I haven’t accomplished enough today. I’ve squandered way too much time doing XYZ.

That kind of negativity quickly gives way to: I’m wasting my life. The rest of this day is now a total loss too.

Hold up! How do thoughts like these produce positive growth or fuel creative momentum?

They don’t.

In fact, this line of thought is actually detrimental to those positive processes. So, each time my thoughts run away in that negative direction, I’m striving to halt them before they gain too much steam. I actively must choose to replace them with words that are marked by self-compassion – I am enough no matter what I accomplish. Opportunity lies ahead.

Why? Those very thoughts shape our reality, for the better or the worse, and I’d much rather see positive progress result. Wouldn’t you?

personality-rooted conflict

Think of a person or two with whom you find yourself in conflict.

Whoever you named, chances are your boyfriend, boss, friend, or co-worker truly isn’t

trying to make you crazy in the midst of that conflict. They dislike butting heads just as much as you do. The real truth is – the two of you have fundamentally contrasting personalities. When acting based on your inherent nature, you look way different from one another.

Let's look at a sample scenario...

Maybe your co-worker is a total perceiving type. She waits until just before the deadline to crank things into gear. This isn’t to peeve you; she actually needs that pressure to make things happen. Meanwhile, as a total judging type, you aren’t asking for planning in advance of the deadline just to be difficult; you don’t operate as effectively under that last minute stress.

These are fundamental differences in the way you operate and demonstrate just one facet of personality differences. The amazing part about understanding your own personality type is that it gives you a fresh lens for navigating your relationships. You’ll quickly see that your own uniqueness looks a lot different from that of others. 

This heightens your own appreciation of personalities that differ from your own. It makes you less apt to demand that others just flat out conform to your standard mode of operation - a poor approach in any relational conflict. Rather, with insight into these differences, you can craft ways of compromising while respecting the uniqueness of one another.

So, think back to that person or two with whom you find yourself in conflict. Are there fundamental differences in your personalities that are at the root of your conflict? How can you respect any differences in your approach to resolving the issue?


Dig Deeper: More from Myers Briggs on judging/perceiving personality types.

jean shorts

There is something magically therapeutic about hands-on creation - that kind that takes you away from the multi-tasking grips of technology and allows you to become completely absorbed in the task at hand. I was reminded of this truth when I recently seized a random urge to transform a pair of old pants into cut-off shorts...

Followed this DIY guide via Refinery 29.

san fran

snapshot: introverts & extroverts

Introducing... 

Snapshots: a new style of posts featuring helpful bits of info for life

By way of background...

I'm basically a sponge -- an avid learner who basks in opportunities to soak up information. This means I read a lot, and I encounter amazing insights.

Each snapshot is designed to give you a taste of the compelling info I'm learning about. I hope they are helpful in their own right and encourage you to delve deeper.

This one was inspired by Susan Cain's book Quiet. No matter which personality preference you express between introversion and extroversion, I highly recommend you check out her fantastic book.

[click it!]