imperfection

"Don't always make things perfect.
Perfectionism doesn't leave room for imagination."
- neueministry.com

time

The passage of time is an incredibly odd thing to consider. There are points where things simply cannot won't pass quickly enough and other points when everything flies by, unable to be stopped.

In this moment, I can think about specific events, conversations and experiences that occurred a year or two ago, recalling them as if they were just yesterday. But, they didn't occur just yesterday. Things have changed so much since then. People have changed. I have changed. Erase the passage of time between the two points and it all becomes quite puzzling.

In the same breath, the futurist inside of me constantly craves what is to come and the latent possibility within everything. It's strange to realize how things appearing in the distant future will fly by and in time become those elements of the past which I reflect back upon.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak.
Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
-Author Unknown

strive

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart."
- Vincent Van Gogh

fallen wishes

I wonder – how did it come to be like this?
I must admit it’s quite strange and even unsettling to consider.
I know I didn’t aim for it all to be this way.
In fact, this current state might be how I least expected things to be.
All along, I wished for it to be so much different.
But then again, wishes don’t always come true do they?
It may seem odd, but sometimes it’s truly better that they don’t
Because my wishes aren’t always formed with full sight.
But it’s clearer now that there is one who sees the big picture ahead
and having that bit of certainty is becoming enough for me.

perseverance

"This is what the good guys do. They keep trying.
They don't give up."
- The Road, Cormac McCarthy

the small things

It baffles me how wandering thoughts about the seemingly insignificant can keep me so restless at night. Last night, my mind became completely imprisoned by thoughts of how I may or may not have screwed up on my midterm - a clear waste of energy seeing that it has passed and, well, it is just a midterm. Generally the thoughts that keep awake have something to do with school and me being too hard on myself, maintaining some ridiculous objective of perfection.

In any event, I recognize how absurd all these concerns are, but somehow in the middle of the night or early morning hours I simply cannot shake them off. Instead, I toss and turn, angry with myself for allowing these things to get to me. Even when I try to focus on other subjects, it seems impossible to keep my thoughts from returning to these petty concerns.

The sleep deprivation that results is not pleasant, but what bothers me the most is this --- while people across the world are facing incredible hardship, I still sit here worrying about that one answer on that one test. So in the midst of it all, I'm seeking true peace and an ability to shift my meaningless, selfish worries to more well-founded, selfless concerns.