return

seasons

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring."
- George Santayana

an empty room

it was foolish to expect so much of an empty room -
devoid of familiarity,
dripping only in discomfort and confusion.

blank walls. bland carpet.
crying out to continue onward,
seize momentum and create anew.

vibrance

vacillations of the mind

Herein lie futile attempts to chart
The vacillations of the mind

Moments of composure
Assaulted abruptly by swells of discord

Stability exposed as a facade
Overwhelmed by transient winds

Yet streams of merriment overflow
Within the same muddled season

And reasoning victorious in dominion
Narrowly evades abduction by ambivalence

Such wide array packed haphazardly within
These vacillations of the mind

la la land

i miss you already.

dear l.a.

We'll skip the formalities. You are far from a formal place anyways.

I used to despise you. Too many freeways packed with too many cars driven by, frankly, too many people. Crowded. Chaos. Discomfort. Insecurity. Fear was piled to terribly high for me to explore you. You were a foreign place, and I wasn't about to give you a chance to prove my assumptions about you wrong. So again and again, I fled as quickly as I could, lacking any ounce of enthusiasm in each return to you.

And, I see now, it would be easier if it all stayed that way. In this moment, life would be infinitely simpler if I never got to know you at all. But, that isn't how it was to be. It took me awhile to warm up to you, but eventually, I found the beauty hidden beneath the disarray. Distaste was replaced with a sweet sensation. Spontaneity. Creativity. Culture.

My eyes began to see with new lenses and fresh perspective. The unavoidable brokenness of your people, formerly so discomforting to me became a reminder of the incredible nature of this life I lead. The varied culture fabric no longer appeared a mess but instead arose as a captivating foundation for creativity. And, just when I believed your clamor could not be escaped, you showed me unexpected places of peace and quiet, dripping in their own uncontainable beauty.

L.A., now that I've grown to admire you, I'm leaving you. I once dashed from you gladly, but this departure has become a saddening prospect I wish to delay. You've taught me more than I ever expected. You've awakened within me more of who I truly am. In your care, I've become more creative and less controlling. More spontaneous. More aware.

So, I've determined that this isn't goodbye. I'm taking you with me, wherever I may go from here. I refuse to forget all those lessons you've taught me. And, who knows, maybe life will be such that I get to come running back into your arms one day. Regardless, I'm still lovingly yours.

c